At Age 12    

At age 12 I began to feel increasing inner turmoil, agitation, anxiety and confusion. I just didn't like myself at all and constantly visualized how it would be wonderful to be someone else. It didn't get better, and I didn't know   how to talk about it. I acted out very badly until I spent 120 days in a juvenile detention facility. There I came back to the Lord and started to seek the counsel of God, knowing my only hope was in Him. I actually improved while  in there because of the structured life and daily exercise. I toughened up while I was in there and my self confidence increased. That confidence was short lived as the first signs of Narcolepsy began to show up. I went to a few  of the supervisors in the facility about how my dreams were getting overly vivid and full of emotion, waking up exhausted every morning. The answers I received were idiotic at best so I kept it to myself. Narcolepsy is a malfunction  of the sleep synapses in the brain triggering erratic and bizarre symptoms such as sleep paralysis where you wake up and can't move or auditory hallucinations that wake you up. Sometimes they are so loud I wake up in intense fear. It sounds like a wrecking ball hitting the house. Two years after onset, Cataplexy took hold; sudden loss of strength and muscle tone from a surprise emotion like anger or too much laughter and you just go limp, get a little confused followed by sleepiness. It all came crashing down in my second year of college. I just laid down and didn't get up for 3 weeks. My friends came in one by one and said, "Get up! Get up!", but I couldn't. From that point on a very  destructive stronghold of dependency took hold of my life that I would fight for many years with very little money, and no support system.

"The Candle" 

When our time of worship leading at GCC was drawing to a close, I began to fear that once again failure would define my life, and I may even lose my marriage. The problem was that worship leading was the only thing I was really good at, and I easily felt threatened when someone else came along that could do it. That was a very immature attitude, one that I would later change with great success! I felt the Lord leading me to step out against all odds and begin to travel and minister, and that's what we did. Six months in I thought, “What have I done, am I nuts?” Some would say “yes” to that! One night, on my way home from fishing, at about 3:00 a.m. I was driving down a country road when the song “The Lord thy God” poured into my heart straight from heaven and filled the cab of my truck. It came to earth as it was in heaven, fully orchestrated and accompanied by northern lights! (it was mid summer) The heavens were opened to me, and the Lord made it clear that he was indeed mighty in our midst, Zephaniah 3:17. 

This must be said right now! God chooses the weak things of this world to confound the wise, not too many noble are called, and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. This is God's way! We started singing this song wherever we went, and recorded it at Troy Dean's studio in Wenatchee Washington. I learned some things from Troy that helped me to form musical thought for years to come. Within a year Hosanna Music acquired the song and it went worldwide. It is on our CD 'The Candle' along with Begone! (the devil song) that was recorded that same year. It was amazing! I thought that from that point, as a reward, I would feel better and even do better financially, but that's not what happened, not by a long shot! 

My Life's Work   

You see, for me, these are not just songs, this is my life's work, my life's calling. They are my worship to God, my tools of ministry. David, the greatest worshiper of all time, knew instinctively that in whatever stage of life he was, it was the right time to worship God, especially in times of adversity, hardship or failure. These are the most important times to worship God. I have learned to rely on these words of David, “I pour myself out as a drink offering to the Lord”. I let go of everything that troubles me long enough for the Lord to do what He alone has made us to do.  

We must listen to God, write, record and produce our own music. The things we are preparing for right now will be a full time job for us. You can imagine what that means, even further steps of faith as led by the Spirit. We will let the fruit of what we do speak for itself as we enjoy this part of the journey. We now have a great sleep specialist who is treating me with meds that inhibit Cataplexy making it easier for me to do social things. I still have many N symptoms though.